Held
by wandererangel
Summary: She holds him tight. He's always protecting her, sacrificing everything, if need be the air he breathes, to keep her safe. But when she holds him, she's the strong one for once. When she holds him, he can break. The Doctor and Rose end up in a cell (again) and when things get bad, they discover just what they can be for one another. Doctor Whump.


_I'm back! And I bring thee new Whump! :D_

_this is one of four other fics I had ligned up and I guess this one just won the race, haha. I wrote it purely becaue I wanted to do something with the Doctor keeping quiet to protect his companions..but whumpy :P senterenniseveripelarenting makes a small cameo, for all you who folks who read my last fic ;) _

_also, it has to be said, I couldn't find a decent title for this and both 'tittysprinkles' and 'kidney bollocks' were in the running XD_

_enjoy!_

* * *

On Pilfond people enjoy late dinners with family and good friends and it's considered hip right now to clip your right ear. On Senterenniseveripelarenting a large festival celebrates the day their sacred sword _didn't _ fall and touch the ground and they kiss you on each ear in greeting to symbolise how much they like to hear from you. On Begei they have two hearts, just like the Doctor and their prison cells are grey and dank.

Three guesses as to how Rose knows this.

They've been in this cell for almost two hours now and Rose is getting bored.

The Doctor on the other hand, seems to be getting increasingly fidgety. Like, more fidgety than usual.

He started off just calmly inspecting the cell, nonchalantly informing her that it was all a big misunderstanding and that they would most likely be pardoned within minutes. When those minutes passed and they were still there he just started rambling about whatever, obviously trying to keep her entertained, probably trying to keep her from getting frightened. It's not like they hadn't been in prisons before, though, Rose was getting a bit used to it, really. They spent most of the first hour just relaxing and throwing mock insults at each other and their captors, 'cause _ really,_ putting two muddy hands on her breasts and squeezing as a welcoming gesture is just… rude.

"They weren't squeezing", the Doctor remarks from his lounging spot on one side of the cell. "They were pressing down, trying to feel your heartsbeat".

"I don' have a heartsbeat, I have a heartbeat. _Heart. _Singular."

"Right, yeah. 'Course you do. I know that. But they don't…didn't", the Doctor corrects himself. "That's probably why they tried to feel you again".

"Feel me up, you mean! Doctor, they were gropin' me!" Rose exclaims from her own spot opposite the Doctor.

"Nah. They were just worried. They hardly ever meet one hearted species, it's weird to them, they probably thought you were sick. They were just trying to look out for you"

He pauses, looking at Rose who just huffed in response to his last statement. He's going to have to bring this next bit _really _carefully. He takes a – very manly, very _normal_, not at all hesitant – breath and, looking at this _incredibly _ interesting spot of mold on the ceiling, says in a nonchalant voice:

"Maybe you shouldn't have punched them".

Rose looks directly at him. He was kind of expecting an outburst. She's not bursting. Out, in, or otherwise.

It's kind of unnerving.

He's referring, of course, to the guy she pretty much floored when he came grabbing for her that second time. She's surprised she hit anything as she was basically just squealing, throwing one arm over her chest and randomly waving the other about to ward off anyone else.

'Course, after that it all went tittysprinkles and everyone closed in on her. She remembers being surrounded by the angry Begeians and shrieking for the Doctor as she was being pushed this way and that.

It might've all been peacefully resolved, though, if it hadn't been for the Doctor.

"Maybe _ you _ shouldn't have elbowed the prime minister", she finally replies, looking at him pointedly.

He had barged his way through the crowd after hearing Rose's panicked yell and might've… connected… with the prime minister's…uhm… private…area…

Which is around his right kidney and the Doctor didn't know that!

But it was the main reason they were being held now, for questioning about attacking the prime minister, who might be…damaged… for the rest of his life.

"Yeah. Welll…", he sniffs, "it was self-defence? "

They look at each other and burst out laughing.

The whole situation was just too ridiculous.

* * *

That was almost an hour ago. Since then the Doctor had been getting more and more fidgety. Mumbling to himself about what year it was on Begei now and if they passed Tarpan's Law yet.

About half an hour ago the situation had officially stopped being funny and started getting boring to Rose.

Now though, Rose was wondering if boredom was the appropriate response. The Doctor was getting far too odd ( _haha odd Ood, that's still funny. Okay Rose, focus_ ) and he was worrying her. The way he kept glancing up towards the ceiling wasn't helping.

She was just about to ask him if everything's alright when a greyish-blue gas starts to pour into the cell from vents in the, you guesses it, ceiling.

"Doctor! What is that! What's going on?" Rose shrieks and jumps to her feet, automatically moving to stand closer to the Doctor.

The Doctor is looking away from her, staring up at the ceiling with a strange look in his eyes.

"Not passed Tarpan's Law yet, then", he mutters.

Then he turns to Rose and grins.

"Nothing to worry about, Rose. Completely harmless, that." He points to the gas, still flowing from the ceiling.

"So wha' is it, then?" she asks, still a bit panicky and clinging to the Doctor's arm.

He takes her hand affectionately and squeezes it, prompting her to look at him.

"It's nothing, Rose. It won't hurt you. I promise."

He lets go of her hand and she moves back to her corner of the cell to sit down. She's not entirely convinced it's quite as harmless as the Doctor says, but she trusts him that it won't hurt her.

She looks back at the Doctor who has resumed his tottering around the cell.

It's not 'till a few minutes later that she realizes something is off about him. The gas has stopped flowing from the ceiling and the greyish-blue fog that was clouding the cell is slowly disappearing. It couldn't have dissipated, it's too quick for that. It's simply losing its colour, becoming invisible. She worries about the Doctor though. He's gone quiet and he's leaning against the wall, his head hanging and his eyes just staring at the floor.

He shivers.

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?" He answers, but he doesn't raise his head.

"Abou' the gas…" _Did she just see him tense a little?_

"Yeah?"

"You said it was harmless. It.._ is_…harmless, right?" She looks at him, searching his face.

She hears him sigh, but his gaze is still averted when he starts to speak.

"Like I promised, Rose, the gas won't hurt you. You're safe", he says in a strange kind of monotone voice. She isn't used to hearing the Doctor sound like that. It just worries her even more.

"I'm safe, but you're…not?"

"It only affects two-hearted species" He finally admits, reluctantly.

"Like you", she states

"Like me", he sighs.

There's a moment of silence and Rose can't quite identify the vibe she feels coming from the Doctor. Whatever it is, it's not good. He's not worrying her anymore. He's scaring her now.

"…So…wha' does it do?"

He doesn't respond and she _knows_ she saw him tense this time.

"Doctor? What does it do?" she tries again.

He is _still_ not looking at her when he starts to speak. _ Why won't you look at me? _

"About 16 years ago, at the end of this system's greatest war so far, Prezalim Tarpan developed Parzala-gas. He named it after his… well, I suppose you'd call it his husband, Parzala Im Tarpan.

The gas is used on enemy factions at first, but it's difficult to use gas on the battlefield. Especially when all the parties are two-hearted, so they eventually only use it on prisoners of war. For… interrogation." He stops to take a breath-..wait? He stops to _take a_ _breath_!? When has the Doctor _ever_ had to breathe in between rambles? Okay, forget scared, she's heading towards terrified now.

"When the war ended and they, uhm, _ran out_, of prisoners of war, they started using it on their own prisoners…"

_Ding ding ding! Alarm bells are ringing quite loudly now in Rose's head._

"It has become standard practice to use the gas. Prisoners get two hours to confess to any crimes before the gas is released."

"But no one has asked us anything", is all Rose can say, her mind reeling with this new information and what it might mean for them.

"I guess…when your crimes are severe enough… you don't get the choice", he says softly.

"So 'cause I punched a guy and you elbowed the prime minister in the bollocks, they decided to gas us?" Rose exclaims astounded.

"Yeah", he chuckles, "silly, isn't it?". His chuckle sounds forced and the joke falls flat between them.

"'Course", he continues, some more forced cheer in his voice. "In a few months the whole thing will be abolished. Parzala Im Tarpan will die from a gas-related accident and they pass Tarpan's Law, forbidding the use of Parzala gas in any situation."

_Tarpan's Law. He had mentioned Tarpan's Law before. Wait, Parzala died?_

"You never said what it does."

"It hurts", he admits. "I've never been exposed to it before, wellll, before now, but I've heard the stories. " _Another shiver._

Then, _finally_, he turns to look at Rose. Big, scared, resigned brown eyes are staring at her and she instantly knows he lied to her. He knows exactly what will happen. And he's terrified.

The next thing he says is said so softly and so frightened, Rose thinks it makes him sound so vulnerable and her heart breaks for him. She pulls him into a loose hug that he gratefully returns.

"I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry for this, but I promise I _will_ get us out of this and I _will_ keep you safe and I-…" he swallows, "I-…I'll try not to scream".

Rose's head snaps up and she opens her mouth to comment when the Doctor's grip suddenly increases and he puts his forehead against hers. She realises he's started hurting.

"You okay?" she asks him when the first wave passes. He nods and gives a forced little smile, but before he can say anything another wave hits him by surprise and he chokes a little on it.

"Doctor!" she squeaks when his grip gets too tight. He instantly releases her and pushes himself away from her, horrified he might have hurt her. _He's supposed to have better control than that._

He all but throws himself against the wall, flinching away from her touch when she reaches for him. Can't be touched, can't be trusted, might hurt her. _Aaargh, it's coming on so fast. He didn't know it would be so fast._

Rose is panicking. She's watching the Doctor jerking and gasping in agony, yet somehow still standing. And not screaming, like he promised.

"Doctor, wha' do I do?" she cries, but he is in no state to answer her. She's not even sure he can hear her right now.

It looks like the pain is getting worse and the Doctor is barely managing it. _How much longer is this going to last?_

One particularly nasty spasm of pain makes the Doctor's knees give out and he crashes to the floor. Another brings him to his hands and knees and another makes him collapse to the floor altogether.

He's still holding in his cries and refuses to let anything but strangled groans pass through his gritted teeth.

"_GAaarghhh-…._"

Another agonizing wave hits and he thinks his insides might be melting. He could barely hold that one in. he's pressing his face against the stone floor so hard it's bruising his forehead.

* * *

Rose doesn't know what to do. She's crouching down beside him, hands frantically hovering over his trembling form, afraid to touch and cause him more pain. She wants to help him, she wants to take it away, she just wants to do _something_, 'cause sitting here doing nothing is killing her.

"Doctor…", she pleads. Begging him to tell her how to stop it, but he's beside himself with pain. Only focussing on the searing agony he can feel in every cell of his body. She feels so helpless. There's nothing she can do to stop the pain.

But maybe she can help him to make it through. 'Cause that's what she does, isn't it? when it gets hard for him she's there to hold his hand or hug him tight. She gives him something else to focus on when she does that and she can do that for him now.

Determined, she pulls him into her lap and holds him while he writhes, gasps and jerks in her arms.

She strokes his hair and face and squeezes him tightly when it gets so bad she can't believe she's not hearing him scream. _He's so stubborn, _she thinks. _So brave._

He's got tears in his scrunched up eyes and his jaws are clenched so tight she can see the tendons stand out under his skin. His lips are pulled back in a grimace, his hands are clawed at his side and there's a gleam of sweat standing out on his pale skin.

"It's okay", she whispers to him. "You can scream if ya need to. When i' gets so bad you can barely breathe, you can scream. It's okay, really. I won' mind, I'll still keep holdin' ya either way. Wha'ever you do, it's okay. Just know you can."

* * *

_RAAaaaaahhh! _ He's already screaming in his mind. He can't let go, he can't. he has to protect her, keep her safe. And if he can't do that, he at least has to be brave for her. Can't scare her. Can't let her see how scared _he_ is. The gas isn't supposed to kill you, but it feels like you're dying all the same. _Ggnnnaah! Oh ithurtsithurtsithurts. _He doesn't know how he's going to make it through this without screaming. He's allowed himself to groan against gritted teeth, but he has to cut himself off every time before it gets too loud and he feels he might go insane. But no! Can't let go. Can't give in. He can't make her do that for him, _won't_ put her through that. Won't let her see him so weak. So often she's the only thing holding him together and he is so afraid that she'll see how broken he really is.

_Guuhhhnnghh! keepitinkeepitinnnnaAAHHAGHH ! NO! DON'T BREAK!_

"…rrrggh.." he whines, throwing his head back and forth.

"It's alright", she reassures him. "I won' scare, don' hold i' in for me, just make i' easier for yourself".

He's desperately fighting the pull of his own muscles on his jaws, battling every instinct to just let it out, but it's her persistent soothing whispers and comforting gentle stroking that finally snaps his resolve and he screams his lungs out.

"_GGYAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHAAAAAAAAA AAHHH! GGRAAAAAHHH! AAAARRGHHHGGYYAAAAAA!"_

True to her word, Rose keeps holding him, silently crying salty tears that roll down her cheeks to fall unnoticed on her trembling hands and the Doctor's sweaty forehead.

She's glad he trusts her enough to show her this vulnerable side of him. Trusts her to hold him and be strong for him for once. It's a gift she is insanely thankful for.

But if Rose thought that the screaming is over now, she thought wrong.

The screams get worse and worse, 'till the Doctor is convulsing in Rose's grip. His teeth are clattering and when she sees a trickle of blood escape his gaping lips, she knows he's bitten down on his tongue. She glances down at him and sees that he's scraped his nails over the rough stone so hard, his fingertips are bloodied and dirty. She tries to grab his hands to stop him, but she has to let go of his head and when she does his convulsing gets worse, so she moves back to hold his head again and he quietens a little.

She decides to just focus on his face and tenderly wipes away a few tears that are leaking from his clenched eyelids. She has to be careful because his legs kick out every now and then and they move his head up and down in her lap, she doesn't think he would appreciate being poked in the eye on top of everything else.

_I love you_, she thinks. _Even like this, sweating, shaking and drooling on me._ She wraps him in a tight hug.

The pain finally reaches its peak. He doesn't know how long it has been – he wasn't really keeping track of time like he normally would, he was a little preoccupied, so go warn the Shadow Proclamation – but it felt like hours.

The biggest wave of pain crashes over him, threatening to shatter him on jagged, rocky shores, and he actually arches off of Rose's lap and screams louder than he has done so far, before collapsing on Rose, gasping for air. He is utterly spent.

* * *

The pain slowly ebbs away after that. The Doctor is quiet once more, but not because he tries to be, he simply doesn't have the energy to scream anymore. The only sign that he's not done suffering is his slight tensing and soft groans whenever a residual spasm passes.

And then, thankfully, it's over

The Doctor lies in Rose's lap, eyes closed, covered in sweat and occasionally trembling a little, but otherwise still. He slowly opens his eyes and looks up at Rose. His eyelids are red rimmed and his eyes are glassy and tired, but to Rose, who hasn't seen those brown irises since the pain first hit, they look beautiful.

She gives him a small smile and he smiles back, wincing a little.

"You okay?"

He clears his throat and licks his lips before he begins to speak. His voice is hoarse from screaming. "The gas is gone. The effects have passed. I'll be fine."

She didn't realise she was holding her breath, but when she hears him say he'll be fine she puffs out her cheeks and feels her shoulders relax. The way he is lying the Doctor feels it too. They'll have plenty to talk about when they're safely back on the Tardis.

"I just need a few moments of rest and then we can bust out of here. I'm not waiting around to see how they follow up on their interrogations", he winks at her and she giggles.

"Just rest, then", she says smiling and brushes his fringe from his face while she holds him in her lap.

He looks up at her again and they lock gazes, for a while just staring in each other's eyes, before the Doctor sighs contentedly. Closing his eyes he lays himself comfortably against Rose, waiting for his body to be recovered enough to get out of this cell, but quietly hoping that it will take a while yet, so he can lie in Rose's lap a little longer.

* * *

yay, exploiting situations for snuggles! :D

I really think I'm gonna do something with Begei in the future, I just like the idea of another two-hearted race. :)

also, tittysprinkles is the best thing about this entire fic! XD

'till next time!


End file.
